Dairy Wars Fade, Tendies Get Made

Another week, another ATH, another round of bears getting absolutely BTFO while Trump's Canada dairy war lasted exactly as long as his attention span - which is to say, not fucking long at all. While you paper-handed regards were panic-selling over weekend tweets, the real chads were loading SPY calls because the TACO Trade (Trump Always Chickens Out) is more reliable than JPOW's money printer. Dairy wars fade, tendies get made, and this market has achieved full immunity to geopolitical theater. 

📈 HOT PLAYS & EMERGING TRENDS

CLBR → PEW SPAC Transformation Remember our coverage of mysterious CLBR plays from previous newsletters? This thing is finally approaching its moment of truth. One absolute legend is sitting on 40,000 shares plus calls ahead of the July 15th shareholder vote and ~July 17th IPO. This isn't your typical SPAC garbage - it's got options chains (rarer than JPOW admitting he was wrong) and a float tighter than my risk management after a 0DTE loss.

The comparable play BGL went from $10 to $130 pre-market on similar mechanics. The timeline suggests this could be the next DJT-style moonshot for those who can stomach the nuclear-level risk.

0DTE SPY Puts Continue the Nuclear Carnage The 0DTE SPY put massacre continues from our previous coverage. Multiple legends crushed it this week, with one absolute madman turning an $11k loss into a $15k gain after Trump's Canada tweet saved every bear from extinction. Another psychopath went $120k → $50k → $250k on 0DTE puts at the $617 resistance level. The pattern remains crystal clear: buy technical levels, diamond hands through the pain, and let geopolitical chaos be your catalyst. These aren't investments - they're asymmetric lottery tickets for the clinically insane.

MSTR 0DTE Asymmetry Play With MSTR showing 40% IV (lowest levels ever recorded), some regards are eyeing 0DTE calls as pure asymmetry. The thesis is simple but brutal: if BTC breaks out and MSTR has a 7% day, $300 turns into $180k. It's the kind of play that either makes you a trading legend or gets you permanently banned from the casino.

SOXS Semiconductor Bear Thesis One brave soul dropped $10k on SOXS (3x semiconductor bear ETF) plus $2k in calls, betting against chips at all-time highs. The thesis is actually compelling: SOXX hitting historical resistance, trading above 2-year VWAP, and massive volume on SOXS suggesting institutional positioning. Tech earnings hit end of July, so this is either galaxy brain timing or financial suicide. Either way, it's the kind of contrarian play that separates legends from bag holders.

🖥️ TECH CORNER

Google's Nuclear Chess Move GOOGL absolutely exploded 4% in the final hour after news broke that OpenAI is switching from NVIDIA's overpriced hardware to Google's TPU chips. This isn't just another partnership - it's Google playing 4D chess while everyone else is still figuring out checkers.

The timing is surgical precision: GPT-5 drops in July, OpenAI needed leverage against Microsoft, and Google swooped in like the ultimate corporate predator. They've got the full stack - hardware, software, data, network, capital, and talent. No one else has it all. Trading at 18x 2025 earnings for a company with infinite upside optionality? This setup is absolutely money.

Tesla's Executive Exodus Continues The head of software engineering, battery architecture, and Optimus project all bounced within months of each other. Stock response? Up 80% YoY because Tesla operates in a parallel universe where bad news equals moon mission. Local overflow lots are packed with 112 Cybertrucks and 200+ Model Ys, but shareholders keep diamond-handing because apparently inventory is just "future sales."

🛰️ SPACE & FUTURE TECH WATCH

ASTS: The Starlink Destroyer Our previous coverage of ASTS from "Space Chads and Holiday Hangovers" continues aging like fine wine. While most regards chase the next meme, some diamond-handed legends are sitting on 1,600%+ gains from $2.76 cost basis.

The thesis remains nuclear: Starlink needs expensive hardware and costs $100+/month. ASTS connects directly to your phone for under $20/month. Physics favor large satellites for direct-to-cell, and ASTS is literally years ahead of any competitor.

Recent FirstNet presentation confirmed sub-$20 monthly pricing, and with 3.2 billion MNO subscribers globally, the revenue potential is absolutely bananas. 90-95% profit margins once satellites are operational. Government contracts choosing ASTS over Starlink despite only 6 satellites vs hundreds. This isn't just space speculation - it's infrastructure revolution.

RKLB Momentum Unstoppable Up 46% and showing no signs of slowing. The space economy transformation we've been tracking is finally moving from meme to legitimate money, and early positioning continues paying off for those who saw past the rocket emojis.

🔥 MARKET CHAOS & OPPORTUNITIES

SPY Hits ATH After 4-Month Drought - Bulls Going Nuclear The S&P finally clawed back to all-time highs after what can generously be called a 4-month "correction" that lasted about as long as my patience during earnings calls. We're officially in the phase where literally nothing matters except liquidity - Iran bombs? Bought. Tariff threats? Bought harder. Hot PCE data? Market yawns and rallies anyway.

The beautiful part is watching the TACO Trade (Trump Always Chickens Out) print money like a personal Fed printer. The pattern is more predictable than JPOW's dovish pivots: Trump drops tariff bombs on Friday, futures dip for 30 seconds, then he reverses course Monday morning with some "beautiful deal" announcement. Smart money is loading SPY calls every time he tweets because this cycle has more consistency than Tesla's quarterly excuses.

Canada Trade War Theater - Maximum Chaos Energy Trump terminated trade talks with Canada over their digital services tax, causing a brief market hiccup before the inevitable V-shaped recovery. The playbook is so predictable it's become a meme: Trump threatens tariffs Friday, markets dip, he reverses Monday, everyone profits. Multiple users called this the "Friday market manipulation post" - dump on retail over weekends, moon on Mondays, rinse and repeat. The 400% dairy tariff he's crying about has literally never been triggered because the threshold is impossibly high.

Dollar Slide Accelerating - This Shit is Absolutely Bananas USD down 15% YTD against the Euro, hitting 52-week lows while everyone's distracted by nominal stock gains. When you price SPY in euros, it's still 15% below ATH. Smart money is quietly rotating into international markets - VXUS up 17% YTD vs VTI's measly 4%. One European regard switched to EUR-hedged ETFs and is crushing it while US-focused portfolios get currency-fucked. This isn't an accident - it's deliberate policy to make US manufacturing competitive.

Cannabis Rescheduling Catalyst: Draft legislation floating around to move cannabis from Schedule I to III within 60 days. Sector priced like it's dead despite continued growth momentum.

PCE Data Disconnect: Personal income dropped while markets hit ATHs. Nobody gives a shit about unemployment or average family well-being anymore - peak late-cycle behavior.

Banking Stress Tests: All 22 major banks passed Fed stress tests, positioning for capital returns and regulatory relief. Boring but bullish.

💰 FINTECH & CRYPTO

Circle (CRCL) Clown Show Continues Our "Space Tendies and Stablecoin Fantasies" coverage called CRCL's $45B market cap "full bubble mode" - and somehow it's gotten MORE ridiculous. Moment of silence for anyone who bought at $295 on Monday. The stock is getting absolutely demolished while Bitcoin continues its march higher. This is what happens when you are the wrong type of regarded.